Brain Drain: 2.8.2017 1:38

Finding time to write has been difficult lately, but, since I have some time now, I’ll do something simple – just to keep the creative juices up and active. So, if you wanted to read something artsy and invested, this is not that. This is just a life update: me rambling about nothingness. If you are interested in hearing my nothings, feel free to stay a little.

~

The spaces between when I write are growing larger but I’m trying not to let it bother me. There are moments when I’m up late at night, wondering when the last time I sat down and typed until my fingers cramped, but I also try to make it habit to remind myself not to force my content. When I do that, the product is less invested in the craft itself, and more so “I just wanted a finished product”. So, I let time tick by as bitter as it can be to bare through it, but it’s worth it – at least, that’s what I try to convince myself. Maybe I should start doing writing prompts and things, so I can keep my creative mind on its toes… Outside of me griping about my negligence, though, let’s talk about things I’ve been liking lately.

Firstly, we have this frequent hiking my family has been doing. If you follow my Instagram, you’ve probably seen a few pictures, but lately we’ve been hiking just about every weekend. If not, we’re out on a mountain somewhere: capturing the sun as it sets, screaming just to hear our voices echo off the cliffs, and taunting my scaredy-cat mom when we change elevation. I’ve always been the outdoors type, so doing this is refreshing. The only problem I tend to have is with my small, unaccommodating wardrobe. Hiking in pants that are either too tight or too loose is not very comfortable. Additionally, my one pair of sneakers are a little too worn for some of the terrain we traverse. Nonetheless, I manage to power through.

DSCN1725
Caption: this may be a little fuzzy but I like the way the city lights look

On the topic of discomfort, I’ll also mention how much I’ve been loving carpets, cushioned shoes, and fuzzy socks. My job requires me to be on my feet a lot so any time I come home, I get almost excited to step onto the carpet or put my fuzzy socks on after I shower and lotion my feet. Forgive me if this sounds weird to you, but just sympathize with me for a moment: it’s the same as finally coming home to bed after being tired all day. The amount of relief is just amazing. As I write this, I mean it when I say, “I am at peace with the world to be sitting down with fuzzy socks on”.

Oh, and speaking of work, allow me to mention my go-to breakfast-at-2pm (because-I’ve-been-asleep-so-I-don’t-doze-at-work) meal that I’ve been eating. It’s just a simple egg sandwich with cheese but I’ve been using feta and muenster cheese. The first time I made this, it was just out of curiosity. But from the way the cheese stringed when I broke the sandwich to the yummy taste, the cheese fanatic in me was screaming for seconds. Now, if I’m short on time but need to eat something, I just cook up some eggs, folding the feta cheese in, and put some muenster cheese on top.

It feels unfitting to write content with this kind of voice; I’m used to creating and investing a lot of energy into content so as to avoid sounding small, juvenile, or anything similar. But right now, at 1:38am, I wanted to write to clear my mind. And, of course, it isn’t 100% clear but it’s significantly less frantic than it was beforehand. Writing is peaceful, especially when you let it flow, like so. I think I’ve said all I wanted to mention for now, though. Hopefully, I’ll sleep well (once I do sleep). Does anyone else almost exclusively write late at night and/or early in the morning?…

Advertisements

Half Glass of Lemonade

A little more than a year ago, I wrote a post titled Growing My Own Lemons. I’m not sure what state of mind I was in when I wrote it, but a part of me feels it wasn’t a very clear one. Reading back over it, though, I want to revisit it. So, on a whim, I am writing this.

Props to Myself

I had three major goals as listed in the original post: to mature economically, to get back into my hobbies, and to build on my career path. At least, that’s the short of it. To start, I’m pretty sure I’m currently not exactly where I wanted to be back then, but I’ll give myself credit for advancing in any degree. Over the year, I’ve acquired my license and currently share a car with my dad. Although it isn’t ideal, it’s a start nonetheless. I’m used to the traffic I had on the east coast; the drivers here are… they’re somethin’. Outside of the crazy drivers, though, I did find my way back into my hobbies. As I’m sure shows through my content, I’ve been really invested in photography lately. Before now, all my picturesque attempts were done with my phone (and to me, they were amazing). But there’s a strange, “official” feeling when you do it with a camera. I do have many other hobbies that I’m trying to find my way back to, but this baby step is still progress. As for the last point, I will admit, this is an area I’m still struggling to fulfill. But I suppose that provides a nice segway into the next portion of this post.

Proposal #1

As previously stated, I’m not one for new year’s resolutions. But this year, I did make one. Thus far, I’ve been holding to it pretty well, but the goal is to hold through to its completion. My singular new year’s resolution was (and is) to learn at least one new language. I have a plethora of languages I want to learn and an extensive list of reasons why to learn each – I can’t help it, I just love linguistics (I’m exposing my nerd, I know). So, while it’d be nice to be fluent in multiple languages by the end of the year, I decided one is a good minimum. I’ve intermingled my study plan between two different languages, but my main focus of study is on Korean. I have used a couple different sources in the past, but currently I’m using the book Elementary Korean from Tuttle in conjunction with other dictionary-like sources. All my books are borrowed from the library until I can purchase them on my own. In my free time, I try to either complete a full lesson or complete a couple exercises. Currently, I have my study plan set for studying Korean as much as possible throughout the week, with Friday being either my rest day, or my “study another language” day. So, every so often (when I remember to), I pull out Duolingo and study some Italian. I will admit, there have been days I skipped out on studying because either I was tired, distracted, or slept in, but I do make sure to make up for lost time.

Proposal #2

If you follow any of my socials, you’ve probably seen me talking about printing my photography a lot. And, well, it’s because I want to do that. When I go out on a photography spree – either by myself or while with others – I sometimes skim through the photo set and pick the ones that I feel are good enough to share. When I find some that are, I take my small photo printer out at home, and do a sort of test print. Currently, I have a triad of photos that I would love to share and I have already thought of a name for this photo series. Having said all of that, I guess this goal is to get my Etsy back up and, this time, make it functional. I’m still working out a few kinks and knots , but I think this is something I really want to work towards. When I do finalize things, I’ll make a post here as well, of course. I would love to sell my photography in small and large prints, and even as canvas prints as well. Alongside what I intend to post and sell directly on Etsy, I may open the opportunity for customers to put in special orders for pictures found on my blog that may not appear on Etsy. For this proposal, I’d greatly appreciate feedback.

20180127_144323
Caption: the first set I intend to sell, called “Palms” (guess why)

Proposal #3

Read and write more content. I miss reading. I miss writing. I miss literature as a whole, and I want to get back into it. Yes, I write content for my blog, but there are other projects – unfinished writing projects – that I have and want to finally return to and complete. I miss delving into the worlds other authors create, conjuring up ideas, and implementing them into the worlds I create for my characters. I miss the thrill of writing fiction, I miss realizing how much I must hate my audience to put such a sad scene into a piece – I miss it all. So, note to self: pick up more books. Go to the library and rent more novels. Open up your templates and world-build like crazy. Talk to your friends and roleplay to your heart’s content. Do it for your love of creation.

I want 2018 to be my year, finally. I want to own it and make it mine. The ultimate goal is to milk as much productivity out of it as possible, and when I thought I’ve juiced it all, ring it some more. I have to. For me.

DSCN1394

Don’t let popularity guilt-trip you.

The fact that a certain item or activity gets so much attention can give weight to exclusion. But the reality is not everyone can always be apart of everything every time. Remember that it’s okay not to be able to go to that event; it’s okay that you can’t do this particular thing; it’s okay that you don’t know this particular person or item. It is okay not to be in or “hip”, and you should not let this instance guilt you into forcing it to happen in the future or allowing it power over you.