Growing My Own Lemons

(I feel this song is appropriate for this post…)

The more I think about it, the more complex the idea becomes – the more anticipant I become… I’m not particularly one for “New Year’s Resolutions” because, for me at least, they tend to be unrealistic. I won’t lie: I have made a dietary or “weight loss” resolution once or twice because it sounds nice of course; who doesn’t want a hot summer body? But I’ve come to a point where there are bigger, more accomplished goals that I really want to work toward (not to cast my health aside). I want this year to be different, I’ve wanted the New Year to be different for the past few years should I be honest. But this is one that I want to work towards, even if I have to force myself to.

Economic Maturity

Since this is the easiest one to talk about, let’s address the obvious facts. It’s nothing new that I’m ready to “leave the nest”. The only new thing is that I legally can, all my own, and no one can stop me. And no, this isn’t an “I’m 18 so I can do adult things now”; it’s more of a breathing and recuperation type of deal. I won’t detail all of my driving forces but more or less, it’s more of something I need to do, ready or not. So, even though I’m still financially dependent, one of my goals is to change that. I want a small little place that I can come and go as I please, where I don’t have to worry about much other than bills, I guess. A car would be nice too I suppose but whichever comes first, I’m willing to adapt. The only thing I have going for me financially is Etsy*. I’m still working on a few details and preparations but if I can sell enough products on there and put it into savings, maybe I’ll get somewhere. For now, however, we wait on a magic phone call.

Hobbyist Habits

 If possible, I really desperately want to get back into my various hobbies and passions and crafts and every other pass-time that I love and hold dear… I have so many that I miss so much because either I haven’t had the time, haven’t had the means, or just haven’t been in the state of mind to do so.

I cannot begin to express how much I miss writing: how much I miss critiquing my work because it doesn’t flow logically, how much I miss griping about being unmotivated, how much I miss brainstorming – all of it. I have mounds of half finished or incomplete planning for various stories I started; I haven’t even thought about poetry since last year. The only place I can open a blank page and actually have something to say is this blog, where there is no particular format, where I don’t have a perfectionist standard (not entirely at least). I can remember moments, staying up until the break of dawn, tiring my wrists with frantic typing because I was worried if I didn’t write it down, I won’t remember the idea or thought… and so many more things that I miss. Anyone may be reading this and thinking, “Well, if you miss it so much, why not just start writing again? Write right now in fact!” And my response is, it isn’t so easy… I haven’t been in a mentally stable place for just about a year. My writing didn’t particularly stop during then, but the mood of it changed drastically. The last “happy thing” I can remember writing dates back at least a year and a half. In short, I guess I’m trying to say I don’t think I’m able to anymore… But, I also said I’m not cut out for college either… Writing and authorship may not be right now, but I don’t see it disappearing entirely from my hobby list.

Next to it, however, I want to get further into photography and videography. I’ve always had an interest in pictures, picturesque scenery, the cameras, video editing, “capturing the moment”, and any and everything else relevant. Ever since my last birthday, I’ve been a little sad in terms of this passion. For my birthday gift, I had gotten a Fujifilm Polaroid* camera, one that I’ve had my eyes on for the better half of a year. I haven’t had a chance to use it since and it breaks my nerdy little heart a bit. It’s why I can’t wait until the summer or any time where I may be traveling. I hope to have a scrapbook or something that I can put my pictures in; I’d like to have a decent camcorder that I can record bits and pieces of the entire experience with as well, and allow myself to be tickled with humorous but cute amateur video edits that usually surface on YouTube or something or another. But until I get those opportunities, I’ll work on other things in the mean time.

Nurturing my Career

The last and perhaps the most important goal I have is to take more steps along my career path. As is obvious and repetitively mentioned, I am in school. My science major is for Veterinary Technology so my goal is really to have more accomplishments related to it. For example, the biggest accomplishment as of last year was becoming a volunteer with the SPCA. I consider my role minor but I know it isn’t. Whenever I’m on my shift, there’s a certain therapeutic calm that flushes over me when I take the shift after someone else’s, greeting customers and helping in the adoption process, or even having to clean cat poop. Animals have a big, special place in my heart; no matter the service, I’m always ready and willing – even at the olfactory sacrifice of my precious nose. As I have been, I’ve been working to get employment at places you’d expect that handle animals, like pet accessory stores, grooming shops, et cetera. For now, even if employment doesn’t work out the way I’d like, I’ll keep reaching for my best in school.

I look forward to how this year will play out; I feel it’ll be interesting for some odd reason. Whatever the future holds for me, I hope it’ll be only good things. If not? I will make the best of it all.

imag1113
My birthday gift, my baby

*Etsy will be linked once all the details are finalized

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